The greatest gift you can give your children...

Nathan and I are reading a book together titled, "His Needs Her Needs- Building an affair proof marriage" written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. There are 14 chapters and we read a chapter a night out loud together. It has been amazing sharing this time together and the book is phenomenal and we have only read 6 chapters!! The premise of the book is about ten basic needs for men and women. In a marriage, if one of these needs are not met, the husband or wife tends to pull away or take "withdrawals" from their "love bank". When the needs are met, deposits are put into their love bank. The book has made us realize the importance of affection, recreational companionship, sex, and communication (there are six more top needs). I recommend this book to anyone who desires to marry one day and of course to married couples. The author of the book is a psychologist and a counselor. He has found that most people who cheat on their spouses don't cheat intentionally...it tends to be a gradual pull away from their spouse. For example, he would say that if a woman's husband used to talk to her all the time (communication) and then years in their marriage they quit communicating, she feels neglected. Then, lo and behold, some man she works with starts talking to her and she feels loved again...Soon enough, they end up having an affair. The affair was never intended, the woman was missing something that her husband failed to give her and some other man was able to fill that missing need. It is sad and totally wrong, but it happens. We need to be aware of the needs of our spouses. We need to work daily on doing the things that make them feel loved and needed. The ten needs the book discusses are:

1. Affection (#1 for women) - typically
2. Sexual fulfillment (#1 for men) - typically
3. Conversation
4. Recreational companionship
5. Honesty and openness
6. An attractive spouse
7. Financial support
8. Domestic support
9. Family commitment
10. admiration

Some of these needs are more for men and some are more a priority for women. But he basically says that there are a top five for men and a top five for women and when one of these needs is lacking, things start to go downhill. Anyway, I believe that Satan is on the prowel seeking to destroy marriages (especially Christian marriages). Sadly, there is no difference in divorce when comparing Christian's to non-Christians. They have the same statistics. I believe this book can be a useful tool to fight the temptations that Satan throws at us because it educates us about our spouses and how they function. Christian men and women need to rise up and really fight for the sanctity of marriage. We need to quit being selfish and serve our spouses the way Christ served the church. We need to forgive each other for all the mistakes the other has made, and we also need to realize that WE make many mistakes too!!! One of the hardest verses for me to follow is 1 Peter 3:1, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. I basically take this to say to us women, QUIT NAGGING!!! It is not biblical! The author of this book says this:

"The greatest gift you can give your children is a strong marriage".

Amen to that! Families need to start strengthening their foundation so that their children see what it is like to have a strong marriage. Not just a strong marriage, but a GODLY, Christ centered marriage.

Well, I will have part II come out soon...I don't want to get too long, but there is so much to say on this topic!