Forgiveness

We have all been hurt by someone in our lifetime. It could be anyone...your spouse, sibling, parent, friend, etc. We tend to forgive some of the people and move on with our lives, but then we hold grudges towards other people and refuse to forgive them. We say to ourselves, they hurt us too badly to forgive them or they don't deserve to be forgiven. As Christians our lack of forgiveness towards others reflects our personal relationship with Christ. Throughout Scripture we are told to love one another over and over. If we love everyone (even our enemies) how do we choose to not forgive a grievance? I am reading through 2 Corinthians now and I found a passage that talks about forgiveness that I had never really come across before. It is 2 Corinthians 2: 5-11.

"If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent-- not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone -- I have forgiven him in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes (NIV)." --I added the italics because those verses stood out to me the most.

Lets take a step back and think about some stuff before I go any further. We live in a fallen state. We ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God. Not just some of us, ALL of us. Who are we to sit and judge someone for doing wrong to us or to a loved one when we screw up all the time too? I know I have hurt people in the past and some of those times may have been intentional. I am not proud to say that, but it is true. If we think we can go through life without hurting someone or being hurt by someone we are in for a huge wake up call. I don't' think that forgiveness means automatically forgetting what someone has done...I don't think that is possible at least not right away. But I believe forgiveness is allowing yourself to continue to love the person and show compassion towards them, especially when they know they made a mistake. Why rub it in their face when they are already beating themselves up? Again, who are we to judge. The Bible says in Matthew 7:1-2: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured (NIV)."

Now, let me ask this question. If you are a Christian and someone has hurt you more than words could describe, does God want you to forgive them? YES! One of my professors once told me that research has shown (I am sorry I don't have the name of the research so it could be a lie...but it seems to be more true than false) the number one reason people are turned away from Christianity is because of Christians. Basically, we act holier than thou to our non-believing friends and then they see us go and get drunk, cuss like a sailor, or show lack of forgiveness (you can put anything in there that you want) and they think to themselves, these people are just like me, why do I need Christ? Christians need to stand out and be different. We need to be examples to the people that Christ has put in our lives. If you have children, they can see your love or hate towards someone. If your child sees how you are able to forgive someone for something, you are teaching them such a valuable lesson in forgiveness without even using your words, but by your own actions. If you show your child how to hold a grudge and not forgive, they will learn that and have a difficult time forgiving someone or worse, they may never respect much of what you have to say when you try to tell them areas they need to work on in regard to Christian values. We need to say yes, that person hurt me terribly but Christ forgave him the day he died on the Cross and if Christ can forgive him, I can. 2 Corinthians talks about how we are to be obedient in everything...that means in forgiving others. Let us be obedient and stand out for Christ. We need to show love towards everyone and like the last part of the verse I shared in 2 Corinthians, "I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." We need to be careful how we live because Satan is around every corner waiting to devour Christians. Harboring unforgiveness is only an avenue for Satan to use to make life more miserable. I leave you with this story from a book I am reading. The book is God has a Dream for your life written by Sheila Walsh. I am going to paraphrase what she said when she was talking to her son who was having a problem forgiving a girl in his class.

Sheila's son was hurt by a girl in his class and asked his mom why would God would want him to forgive someone who is not sorry. She pointed out that when you don't forgive someone in the end, you only end up hurting yourself...Well, she took her son on a walk and asked him to carry a large bag of flour for her. After they walked for a few minutes, he asked if he could set it down. She said not yet. They kept going and he kept asking if he could set it down and she kept telling him not yet. Finally, he said that he had to put down the flour because it was killing him. She let him put it down and told her son that if he refused to forgive, he will carry this huge load everywhere he goes.

First of all, I love how this mother showed her son about forgiveness! I pray I can be this wise one day! Anyway, holding onto what someone has done to us can make us angry. We become bitter and difficult for others to be around. Mark 11:25 says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Most of us are familiar with this verse...Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Ask for the strength to forgive someone if you can't do it on your own. We can do all things through Christ.